face forward vs standing still

sometimes i wish
i could freeze time
and just be in the moment.
but thats .... not possible,
the time flows surely.
only in one direction.

more and more
these days i feel the passage of time
weights heavily on my mind,
it constantly reminds me
of the things that i've left behind,
the things that i couldn't let go,
things that i wish was different

more and more
looking back at the past
and thinking
what could i have done to make things .... happen.

happen ...
sometimes i feel like life just happen.
i have a choice, but not really.

even as i look back
i am facing forward
i'm walking forward
it seems like standing still
is no longer possible.

i have a choice, but not really.

sumangkap gong~making village

what? again? ha.ha.ha.
yeah, i can't seem to get away from this place. anyway, kudat is a nice place.



why the village is known for gong~making? is cos the main industry is ....TADA! gong~making!



in actual fact this time was them most interesting experience i've ever had at sumangkap cos the the gong maker was around to give a demo. you can say that it was educational.



and for encore, the villager gve me this purple plant! happy! at first i thot it was cannabis, but i din really mind [as long as it has purple flowers...] but even after a so many clicks in the net, i cudn't find info on it!



it so mebbe not : ) oh well. see you @ de tip of borneo next!

bones creaking!

Ugahhhh!

that was a nice nap! i needed it after all the things that has been happening!

i'm proud to say that last sunday 'team bleach' that's otto [driver] noyod [navi] gaban + i won the 45th place in the city treasure hunt! not bad for rookies huh! nya~ha~ha! we have been anticipating this event for such a long time, and the sweetest part is we beat the 3rd time participant team dj, missy, a~g, dinn and some 75 other teams!! BWAAHAHAHAHAH! wow, did we earn bragging right for at least a year!! nya~ha~ha~ha! anyway, dats why i was knocked out yesterday. too much use of brain power is draining!

ehehe. we also had too much fun last friday nite, which was noyod bday! altho it somewhat belated we celebrated dinn's and Hboss bday together too, so it was pretty happening. in the end we had a little too much of ambrosia : ) happy bday dudes!

congratulations to clare and roland on baby renee's fullmoon! she's so darn cute! and thx for the invite. the lihing soup kicked ass! thx also to PV for the bottle of reds. sorry we cudn't finish it since we still hungover!



Finally! brook joins the mugiwaras!!! yay! i kinda like him so he's ok to join the crew! and finally something about ace is coming up! hurry up luffy the paper is burning up!

dear me, i'm getting sleepy again, and theres still more packing to do!

new identity

actually i'm talkin about my identity card.

its tattered to bits, but they won't let me make new one till i restore my original hair color! hmmm... gotta think bout dat.

yesterday night was chap goh mei and i had dinner with jon sang's family. [sigh] between the not so subtle hints to get married, guilt trips for missing important family dinners and the royalty treatment i get a little uncomfortable. they were too nice, i just can't handle that, and they don't kno the real me at all. [sigh]

oh well, it wasn't so bad as i thought. ummm, i got angpow from all the aunties :) ehehe.

well, gotta continue with my packing :(

WHAT THE *&^%!!! ????

THE STUDIO WILL BE DISBANDED! ABOLISHED!
WE R KICKED OUT!!!

and just coz some freakin crazy feng shui p...p...person said the studio has a VERY STRONG DARK aura!!!! (oh, dats why we're so comfy in here...) WTF!! she didn't even stepped one foot in the studio and declared the studio 'ada momo'. who's she's talkin bout anyway? was it bcos of the unfrenly notice i put up @ d entrance? its 2 keep out the baddies! sheesh!

i was happy in our lil kingdom!!
now, i hafta go back to my old place!!

i could do all the thing i want! make all the noises i want! play ball all i want! be as bad tempered as i want, don't need to mind my language! (still meeting all the friggin deadlines i might add!) now .....

...now i must sit in the middle of ... nice nice ppl ..... in the morning, i have to endure their endless chirpy chatter ...and....say.... g..g..good morning! TIDAK!!!!!.... its the friggin gossip central!!

i can only feel a lil relief that otto and noyod will be around me, but fredow is transfered to research's place (soon 2 B D corporate place) and dj will be all the way in sinsuran office ...even gaban will be ... a bit farther away ..... uwaaaa .... wats wid d f*&^%$# fengshui!! weren't we doin great anyways??!!!! ... dowan to evac!

i'll go crazy!

~ okay, oookay .... b4 i give the wrong impression, they're not bad ppl, ye ken, just not ppl i can rock with, they won't understand me.... won't understand why i won't ... be normal. they r not the problem ... i am.

cries!cries!cries!

gombizau bee farm

we had to do something for another feature in nanyo elite magazine, so after much deliberation we settled on kudat. its my fourth feature as photographer, and rie ~ chan is the writer :) time flies (even wen u r not having fun)!



2nd stop is Gombizau. its not my first, nor my 2nd and not even my 3rd time @ this bee farm. was i bored? not really .... ummm, yeah ... not really. something always changes ...



dats wut i admire about dis ppl ... waste not, want not. rubber tapping in a bee farm village.



just tot i'd mention, i'm allergic to unprocessed honey. so, T.B.N.T (thanks but no thanks!)

next stop, sumangkap gong making village!

jambatan tamparuli

these bridges are famous.



because of the very popular song, 'jambatan tamparuli'. altho i don't kno which bridge it was about :)



it was a brief stopover during the kudat trip. honestly, i've been to many bridges all over Sabah, but this is my maiden crossing for these two.



lotsa 'OP' come here too! the view was pretty great!



next stop, gombizau bee farm!

broken

my cell is totally out. broke it :(

just got in the office, so got mountain of paperwork to do, lots of photo processing, new deadlines, and i'm still sick. guys, drugs don't work. AT ALL!

aside from all that i had a great trip. altho things never turned out like how we expected. i'm thinking, we achieved 80 % of our goal. hopefully. Please GOD, let the boss be happy with this and don't make me do that whole thing all over again! (eventho it waaas fun...)

more on it later k, today, i'm wiped out!

V for Vixen ...

i'm really glad that i was able to be here for V~ day! lurve the roses! i was really surprised when i finally got in the office @ noon! wish i was in for the delivery!

i had a good day today, eventho i had been sick since monday and was scramblin madly to reach all deadlines and today i almost cancelled the shoot cos i was feelin the worst, but i'm glad i had some will left to drag myself outta bed. in the end altho i cudn't get 100% out of the 1st shoot today, i think we nailed it @ 99% Yay!

so tomorrow begins the 2nd part of historical and acheological sites shoot, a 4 day off~road trip, kk~sandakan~tawau~semporna~tawau~semporna. the whole gang is goin, minus 1, noyod is goin on his solo shoot to tambunan and tenom. gave him a crash course a while ago.

gotta go get ready for my date with jon sang :) so, see ya'll wen i get back. i'm feelin pretty good right now, the docs gave me some good drugs so i'm all set for tomorro.

happy V~day people!

i bet ....

that i'll get a lot of inquiries for this post! nya~ha~ha! its self explanatory ... its clarity and [?] .... went to atmosphere for dinner on saturday ... a double date. i totally forgot about my date with hubbs :(



sorry! otherwise i wud haf swung by blue note after ... it wasn't a good nite for you, sorry. i'm speechless myself. . . .

lion + dragon dance

it was 2 weeks ago, during the sdc weekend, gaban, yahya and i took a time out n went to shoot this @ d likas sports complex.



its my first time seeing so many!



i've always love 'tung tung chang'. i think ever since 'once upon a time in china'. it looked really fun and jet li is friggin cool. he is my idol, and the reason why i studied martial arts for 4 years : ) i regret nothing!



i'm proud to say that our lion + dragon performers won the world champion title!! imagine that we beat china! ehehe.



how bloody unfortunate dat we couldn't stay long, we din even see d show just d introduction. i hope better luck next year.

also ....

i'm grateful for the brief respite from work! taking it easy for now, conserving my energy for the jumbo headache that will commence on monday. no matter how long i look at my planner, theres just no space left in february ... how will i get out of workin on v day? i don't want to spend it with the skulls @ d archaeological site!! i want lovey dovey!!!

gong xi fa cai!

its the year of the rat. as i recall i made 2 resolutions 4 2008. one was about bein kinde let us all forget about that moment of insanity. wut an impossibility, wut was i thinking? anyway, my astrology sign dun look good this year (was it good last year? lost memory again!) take a look ..

Sheep Career

Your management may be pressuring you this year to work even more. (oh my gawd, s'truth') You can find spots for advancement and make progress on your work if you stay diligent with the tasks at hand. The biggest drawback to your year is the pressure on you, and your inclination to say yes and take on more work than you can handle. Be rational about your workload and don't be scared to say no if the load is too much to bear.

Sheep Relationships

For the single Sheep, the Year of the Earth Rat could lead to the blossoming of true love. You may find that temptation to date more than one person falls on you in more than one instance (OH MY GAWD, its tailored for me or wut?). However, existing relationships could be problematic. Be careful not to be overly trusting or you'll wind up hurt later. At the same time, be wary of rumors and gossip, as they will lead to unnecessary arguments.

Sheep Health

Work could be the drain on you, and the more you are inclined to overwork yourself, the more likely you will be to experience increased stress levels and exposure to illness. While this advice is always good, it is even more so this year under the influence of the Earth element. Do your best to not get down on yourself when things don't go your way. Overall, the year should be one of good health if you take the typical steps towards proper maintenance. (i'm already drained!)

Sheep Wealth

Your finances should be looking up this year (i better be earning buckets of money with all the work i'm 2 do!). Earth years are good years for saving and planning which bodes well for those that keep a conservative mindset. You may be due for a surprise during one of your down months that could turn out to be unpleasant. Make sure you've tucked away enough to cover the costs associated with an unexpected accident or maintenance.

hmmm, how scary, if its really d truth, i'm so in trouble!

roller coaster

first bad, then good, and now i feel like screaming.

my picture of 'hero of the day', (the on with the bomba men) was in the Borneo Post front page today, unfortunately they credit the photo to some other photographer.

tomorro is CNY eve, everybody gets the afternoon off, but not me. i'll be working .... way up north, at the very tip of borneo for nanyo elite magazine feature till the evening.

then i'll be goin to sandakan-tawau next week. the whole week photography at some graveyards and archeological site

the week after that i'll be goin to KL. i might have to stay 2 weeks there.

in between all this i have 3 advertisement artwork deadlines for magazine.

last but not least a treasure hunt event.

i want to say more but i don't want to be flag with abusive language.

i feel good ....

yup ... i guess i was more affected than i thought i was with her words, but after sharing a bottle of 'two oceans' (its south african, over dinner and it tasted good and strong the way i like it) with hubbs i feel a lot better. way better, thanks to the happy juice.

we hadn't talked like that for ages and i guess we both needed it. was i able to put things in perspective? ... right now i just don't give a shit.

hey hubbs, remember ... let's start over! (in japan if possible)

hero of the day!

its definitely a black monday!

massive traffic jams all over town caused by 2 car accidents (dat we kno of), a pedestrian got hit by a car while crossing d street, a car caught fire, and another car exploded. thats just the things happening in our vicinity.

but i'm proud of our resident recurring hero! u da' man! tg aru boy, yahya salim. he tried the bestest to beat the fire, but the water was weak and we ran out of fire extinguishers. i wanted to get closer but otto sed its gonna explode :(

in the end, the bomba men (firemen) put out the fire before it could explode.

another car did explode.

reporting news live @ gaya street.

who are you when you go home

that is the question.

20 years ago, 1o years ago, today... i still don't know. its just so hard to be true to yourself, especially when around you, the people have different perceptions and it might not be who you think you really are.

its impossible to stay unaffected by their expectation, its easy to loose sight of yourself. i can't really say that they are wrong, but can't say its the real me either, its just another me.

its undeniable that i scare little children with my smile and i don't care to say good morning every damned morning. i'm moody, bad tempered and unfriendly. if you don't like it, stay away from me. leave me alone...i don't go around bothering you right? chirpy and sunny people pissed the hell out of me in the morning, so i don't hang out with them. its as simple as that.

sometimes i laughed too loud, too sarcastic, too rude and too blunt. i have OCD tendencies. i'm very verbal when it comes to the things i want. and i don't like what i don't like, i can't helped that! if i don't like you, you'll know it cos i won't pretend anything.

i'm selfish and i'm just about me, i don't make excuses about that. i hang with the guys, why is that such a big issue, i just don't get it. i like guys, duh!

so what is this post all about? seems like i'm trying to justify myself ... shit and i just said i didn't care what you think... heh. so, i don't give a damn huh? so be it. i won't loose to you.

who am i when i go home? yes, who am i really ... i want to know too.

been to hell

heat. heat. heat. and a lot of it.
i'm seriously not joking.

ok, so it wasn't really hell...hell. but it was hellish!
so hear my list of complaints bout d whole sdc project. sit tight guys, its gonna b a long one.

1. friggin crazy deadline! (2 weeks? sure, not a problem!)

2. cats + dogs sessions. unbelievably, we actually tot we understood each other. (i mean, u talking, me listening but ummm, wat r u saying?)

3. no dunbass contractors dumb enuff 2 agree 2 a 2 weeks deadline

4. 1st draft of booth design rejected!

5. 2nd draft axed! (finally had 2 go with a contractors design a week b4 deadline)

6. other co-exhibitors exhibit materials came d day b4 set up date (which messes up d material selections) actually, its not really a surprise.

7. friggin crazy deadline. oh, said that already.
8. materials submitted were .... shall we say .... not as expected? hope?

9. why do i have to pick up other people's messes? why? why?

10. why is there so many damn clouds every damned day i need 2 make a satellite map? why? like theres not enuff obstruction people!

11. fuckin crazy dealine. yes, said that already.

12. the contractor were bleedin late

13. why is there friggin no aircond in d friggin air conditioned tent? no fan, no ventilation to speak of. just heat and more heat! CRAP! ( the tent is hereby dubbed 'the sauna' )

14. after 3 days in the 'sauna' my body's survival instinct kicked in, a foot out the 'sauna' and its chilly (but its still damn hot in the 'sauna'. i dropped 3 kg at least! ...umm, thank you!)

15. it would b nice if d upperworks could agree with each other (at least once outta 10) + not create such a big fuss over every little thing so that we wouldn't have to be doin crazy stuffs like disguising ourselves as gardeners @ nexus and secreting away d dried leaves. (not that we fooled anyone, i think they just tot we were crazy having fun!)



16. does it friggin look like we're bleedin having a lot of fun?



18. they told us that they upgraded our room, but it felt more like a downgrade, eventho its one of those lovely villas but its so friggin far, again no aircond nor the fan, all we have is d view.



18. n does hanging d same poster + then taking it down den hanging it up again @ a different panel + then repeat. sounds fun? (repeat at least 3x, + in some cases after relocating 2 ~3x, take it down + put it away, PUT IT AWAY [scream a little] )



19. n then change d placements again @ midnight, d day b4 d event itself (oh well, i shouldn't complain cos i was ordi in bed, the guys stayed on tho :p)

20. everyone else fuckin screws up + gets away wid it. how come we dun get 2 slack off like dat? (n gets away wid it i mean?)

21. i kinda got sick of the scenery between KK to Sepangar. let's not go this way again for a long...long time K?

22. we r clueless! CLUELESS!



23. event day, PM came n saw, like it n everything. By 2pm, we started 2 take everything down. WOW! i feel tired all over again. isn't dat insane? all dat 4 just 6 hrs show? pfft!



24. by d time finished rollin off d last double tape on d posters the skin of my bleedin fingers almost wore off.

summary. overall, i tink our booth turned out pretty cool. but it seems dat all the rest were pretty high end too! somehow, altho i tink we were d most colorful, it kinda feels like we're poor ants living in sulaps next 2 d giants. but it only matters dat PM liked it. so there! anyway, as i was getting ready 2 post dis, GM came 2 c me in the morning n told me we gotta do better next time (NEXT TIME?) and so 2 b ready 4 it we gotta start now. okaaaay, there goes my march and april. possibly my may too.

bitch mode off.

complains aside, i really liked doin dis sort of things. just not while under intense heat. n after a while u get used 2 d boss's whims. dats wut makes it challenging. its kinda a good break fr my other assignments. so thx 4 signing me on.

oh well, at least its worth 2 talk bout 4 d next several days. oh well, we're getting paid big bucks 2 endure d hardship. oh well, looking back now, it was kinda fun + i lost weight (so thanx 4 that) oh well, i got 2 b on tv (+ otto + noyod) but i didn't get 2 c it.



curl contest. i dyed noyod's hair brown, i mean, i tried to ... but it didn't work. wat'd u expect outta rm20 product? gawd, wasted effort.



oh well, it was great 2 hang out wid d gang. chivas regal was a great comfort 2. i feel like singing we r d champions! r we?

another quickie!

the laptop crashed!

the sdc project is over and done with and i've new deadlines to worry about, but somehow i just can't get the energy to start anything.

earth to milly! earth to milly! come back! come back!
i've been in hell for the past few days and i'm feel like the walking dead. zz....ZZOMBIEEEfied!

and to mark the end of torture, the manga i've been reading "rough" ends with a 'no ending'. What The Fuck? ... can''t you go easy on me just little bit?




its a sport's manga about swimming, that's spiked with romance, not the lovey dovey kind tho. oh well, twas a sweet story. read it.

and then, get ready for my big 'BITCHING' post next. just lemme catch my breath!

a quickie!

it got so busy and i'm so wired!

wanted to post the 2nd part of thaipusam but time ran way from me. in a hour i'm spose to be off to sepanggar to do set~up for SDC. and i hadn't packed yet, fact is i'm still in bed ! nya~ha~ha!. finishing up all my artwork for this weekend took me till 11pm last nite!!!

i also shot some shopping stuff at city mall yesterday, but i might redo it cos was so empty at that time, it looked like a ghost town ... ehehe, seriously, i was told it would be better in the weekends, but i'm fully booked on weekends all the way to mac. i'm gonna have to shuffle some stuff :( altho i consider the shoot a bust, i discover lotsa great boutiques there (*o*) and i bought some kinky stuff! nya~ha~ha! definitely will some more time here since yesterday was so hurried!

oh yeah, sent off sister to KL on thurs. what a baby! she wanted us to stay till she got on the plane, so mommy and i had to have our dinner there too. luckily the thai style fish that i ordered is tasty! how uncommon, airport food to be so good.

today is a full day too! i'll be heading to sepanggar for some pre~set~up and then coming back to likas sports complex at noon to shoot the lion & dragon dance, then heading back to sepangar again for he full swing set~up. i'll be putting up at nexus till the deed is done!

luckily i get to hooked up with jon sang last nite or else i don't know when i'll see him. so later guys!

the mysticism of thaipusam p.1

its awesome to see up close and personal, but ... its also scary and a little bit painful. i had been wanting to see this event for a long time but never had the opportunity, this time i covered it for work.

its something that i cannot imagine to happen if i was not there too see with my very own eyes, i might remain a skeptic forever. in the mortification of the flesh, the devotee slip into a trance and was pierce by hooks and skewers, but feel no pain , no blood spilling and after will leaves no scars.



during the piercings the crowds chants 'veel' over and over again accompanied by enthusiastic beatings of the drums, which i was told to give spirit to the devotee. not only the vel kavadi devotee goes into a trance but it might also affect the supporter. as i was standing in the perfect position to take my photo, the lady beside me fell into a trance and started to scream hysterically, and it changed her. her voice and attitude became aggressive and sharper at times and whispery otherwise. it shocked me. at one point, she grabbed a handful of leaves and started chewing and swallowing them. not satisfied with that, she also shoved a handful into the devotee mouth.



i guess it was a hot day, but at that time i felt only the excitement of the crowd my heart felt like it was gonna jump out. as i sit here writing this, i felt hot and cold shivers all over my body. i guess i was affected too and i have to admit its somewhat painful to watch.